It is spring and that means facing one stark reality; I have
put on weight over the winter. Actually, I have put on weight over the past 20
winters. Well, to be totally honest, I have put on weight over the past 20
winters, springs, summers, and falls.
Over those years, I have lost hundreds of pounds as well;
unfortunately, it was the same 5 pounds, over and over again.
This spring, I have determined to lose weight. I am going to
do this by eating healthy and getting more exercise. From what my Facebook time-line tells me,
this is the wisest way to lose weight, and I figure if it is on Facebook, it
has to be true.
So, this afternoon, at lunch time, I started on my journey
of healthy eating. I cast about the kitchen, considering all my options for a
healthy diet. My gaze fell upon a box of raisins. Eureka! I shouted. I felt
comfortable shouting that, because I was home alone.
Eureka! A raisin is a healthy food and one that should help
me lose weight. After all, a raisin is simply a grape that has lost a lot of
weight. I opened the container of raisins, took one out, and put it in a bowl.
I walked to the dining room with my healthy lunch and sat down.
I stared at the lonely raisin in the large empty bowl and
thought. I thought, “This is not a well-balanced diet. It is simply a lonely
raisin in a rather large bowl. I must eat a balanced diet, for that is what it
says to do on Facebook.”
I walked back to the kitchen and searched for something
healthy to keep my lonely raisin company. I found a wonderful dairy product to
add – vanilla ice cream. One large, well-rounded scoop was added to the bowl
and the raisin placed on top. I took my healthy lunch back to the dining room
and sat down to congratulate myself on my journey to health.
As I gazed upon my raisin in its bed of frozen dairy product
I thought to myself, “this isn't a balanced meal at all. It's not healthy. I
must have protein.” I picked up my bowl, with the raisin in its bed of ice
cream and meandered into the kitchen. I looked about for an appropriate source
of protein. I spied a jar of peanuts on the counter. Peanuts would be perfect,
except for one thing, I am allergic to peanuts.
Instead of the peanuts, I opted for a spoonful of soy butter.
It looks and tastes similar to peanut butter, but it doesn’t try to kill me.
I carried my bowl back to the dining room and sat down. I
gazed at it, deep in thought. Something was gnawing at me. Something was wrong.
I considered all the possibilities and quickly realized I had neglected
carbohydrates.
I quickly grabbed the bowl and bolted for the kitchen.
Pretzels! I crumbled a handful of pretzels on my lunch.
By now, I was becoming quite hungry and rushed back to the
dining room to finally eat my mid-day meal.
Before I could dig in, I looked one last time at the bowl.
It was well-balanced: fruit, dairy, protein, carbohydrates, but I needed
something to tie it all together, to turn it into a meal worthy of not only my
weight loss goal, but to please my highly-refined palate.
And so, yet again, I walked into the kitchen. This time I
knew exactly what I needed and didn’t hesitate. I opened the refrigerator and
pulled out the chocolate syrup. I applied just enough syrup to tie the entire
dish together, creating a culinary masterpiece, from just the humble beginnings
of one raisin.
I inspected my lunch carefully before I left the kitchen and
realized I now had, basically, a brown blob. I needed color! What better way to
add color, but sprinkles, and lots of them.
Finally, I was satisfied with my creation. I sat down at the
dining room table, and grabbed my spoon to eat, when it hit me. It occurred to
me that I had to be more cautious around silverware.
It also occurred to me that this lunch, this afternoon meal,
was too much. There was simply too much in that bowl.
