I enjoy watching tv, not so much for the shows as for the entertaining commercials. My favorite genre of commercials are the ones for lawyers. One would think that a law firm, a collection of people whose primary purpose is to examine every word and phrase for any loophole or misrepresentation in order to win their clients dumptrucks full of cash, would be very careful how they phrase their advertisements, but they are not.
My very favorite, and most law firms have corrected this egregious error, is “Have you, as a result of using (insert name of drug or medical device here), suffered any of the following medical conditions, (list a bunch of stuff here) or even death? Then call us now, you may be entitled to significant compensation.” Yes that is right dead people, you too could be entitled to lots of cold hard cash. I see that now the announcer, who seems insistent upon yelling at me, says, “Have you or a loved one..."
Those verbal gymnastics has led the announcer, who also seems to take great pride in seeing how many times he can yell the firms telephone number at me in 30 seconds, to commit a rather grave statistical error when he announces, “Using (insert drug of choice’s name here) has been linked to a greater chance of death.” As my middlest middle school daughter observed, “Oh look dad, they have raised the bar. Now your chance of death is not 100%, it is like 110%” At which my youngest daughter chimed in, like a circus barker with a large conical-- and perhaps comical too-- megaphone, “Step right up, step right up, try the amazing Ride of Doom. Yes folks on this ride your chances of dying are not 100%, not 105%, no siree-bob, your chances of dying on this ride are a spectacular 110%! Yes folks you heard me right, ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT!” Which makes me wonder, is it possible to die of laughter, even if it is the best medicine?
The ironic part of this whole thing is that I was dying of laughter reading that last paragraph.
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