Friday, December 20, 2013

Plain Old versus New and Improved

Hold your hats on, I went shopping. All of my dear readers know that shopping and I are not the dearest of friends. However, this was grocery shopping, and I am on friendlier terms with groceries. In fact, the scale in my room tells me on a regular basis that I am much too friendly with groceries.

As Beloved and I strolled the aisles of the grocery store, I was suddenly struck by something. Thankfully we were in the cracker aisle and it was only a box of Wheat Thins that had fallen off the shelf and landed on my foot. Thankfully, we were not in the canned vegetable aisle.

Being a good citizen and conscientious shopper, I put the crackers back on the shelf. Then, as I looked up and down the aisle, something occurred to me; everything new and improved is simply the old tried and true product with a different flavor or unique twist thrown in. Not only can I buy my trusty old crusty crackers, but now I can buy ones with basil, sundried tomato, garlic and herb, or a variety of cheese flavors.

These flavors make me uncomfortable. When I come in from working at the newspaper at 2:30 in the morning, all sweaty and dirty, I don’t want to feel like I need to take a shower, and put on my Sunday goin’ to meetin’ clothes, just to slap a hunk of cheese between two crackers and munch contentedly. I do not feel like I can do that if my crackers are “Red Onion and Rosemary with a hint of Goat Cheese”.

This making something new by adding different flavors has leaked into coffee (Hazelnut Mocha Cinnamon with a dash of Cayenne Pepper), Salad dressings (Bacon Peppercorn Ranch with a twist of Lemon Lime), and even Potato Chips (Sweet Sea Salted Potato Chips with a light Dusting of Cocoa Powder).

I am all for trying new flavors. I once cooked a pot roast in Barq’s Root Beer; it was delicious and had a bite. But let us be realistic here, you know that all of this unique flavor business is to catch our attention and make us all think we are more cultured and eclectic than we really are.

So, I am making a call to all my fellow “Sticks in the Mud”, to join me on a boycott of the odd and unique flavors. As soon as I get done here I am going out to the kitchen to get the coffee pot set up to brew a pot of plain old coffee tomorrow morning, and in the morning I am going to pour that plain old coffee into a plain old travel mug to drink while driving my plain old car to my plain old job.

Who is with me?


  1. Yes! There are way too many choices! I can boycott too (except for kettle cooked potato chips which are way too tasty).

  2. Ah, come on, Rob! Go for it. Venture out into the world. Explore, try new things. Expand your horizons - eat that wheat thin!

  3. Thanks for making me smile this morning (while happily drinking my plain old coffee...although it is in a fancy stainless steel thermos that keeps it piping hot until the very last sip...hmmm....maybe I'm not "with you", after all?!?).