Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Tomorrow the forecast calls for a winter storm, with up to 15 inches of snow in the area. This means a rush on the local grocery stores. For some mysterious reason whenever the forecast calls for snow, people immediately go to the grocery store to buy bread and milk.

I went to the grocery store today to make some purchases for dinner tonight. We are having pot roast, using a calorie-free carbonated beverage as liquid, instead of water. I did not purchase any milk or any bread. The gentleman in front of me as we checked out was lamenting the storm, and the possibility of getting snowed in.

“You were afraid of running out of milk and bread?” I asked him.

“Oh no, I don’t touch the stuff, I am gluten and lactose intolerant. But the talking heads on my television set said it would be a good idea to stock up on milk and bread.”

“Excellent idea, you can feed the poor sparrows and put out saucers of milk for any traveling cats caught in the storm.”

My children are thrilled at the prospect of a snow day. They are eagerly plotting how to ensure that school is closed tomorrow. They have heard from a number of experts on how to ensure this happens. They are going to wear their pajamas backwards, sleep with a spoon under their pillows, and flush ice cubes down the toilet. They received most of this information from a family friend, who is an elementary school teacher. So it must be right!

I told them I have the foolproof way to ensure a horrible snow storm. With great eagerness they begged and pleaded to hear my words of wisdom.

“Wash my car.”

The looks on their faces indicated they did not believe it, so I explained that as soon as I wash my car, it never fails to storm out so it gets covered with salt again. They rolled their eyes in disbelief and grabbed entire trays of ice cubes to flush down the toilet.

My youngest girl announced that the last time it snowed particularly hard out, one of her classmates came to school visibly angry. When she was asked what the problem was she explained her father “made me come to school; he would not let me stay home.”

My daughter consoled her and said that I had made her come to school too.

To which the girl replied, “You don’t understand, my father is the Superintendent!!! I begged him but he wouldn’t cancel school.”

“Why not?” my inquisitive daughter inquisited.

“He said we didn’t have enough bread and milk.”

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