Thursday, June 9, 2011

What I learned this week.

I try to write a blog post once a week and up until this week, it has not been a problem. This week, however, was a problem since I could not think of anything remotely humorous to write about. I am not even going to stoop to analyze the Weiner role, his grilling in the media or the hot water he is in.

You see, I fell this week too. That is good, since it is giving me something to blog about. No, I did not fall like Mr. Weiner. I was at home, minding my own business, not twittering or bookfacing. I was doing laundry. Yes, dirty laundry, believe it or not, I have some. I was coming down the steps when apparently, someone hacked my staircase and left a shoebox there.

Shoeboxes are slippery.

I fell hard and immediately uttered words that I do not like to say very often. Words like, “ouch” and “that hurt” and “help, I have fallen and I can’t get up.” Those are not pleasant words to say at all. I lay on the floor and checked for broken bones. Finding none, I slowly stood up and yet again launched into those words I do not like to say. I hobbled around for a few moments, gathered up the laundry, and descended to the basement to put the laundry in the wash.

After hobbling up from the basement, I sat on a soft sofa and texted my wife. The conversation went something like this.

Me: If those stairs don’t get cleaned off, I may send someone to the HOSPITAL
Wife (sensing my anger and worried I might do something rash): things just get forgotten, I am sure they will clean them off. Don’t be too hard on them.
Me: I am talking about myself. I just fell down the stairs and think I broke my tookus.

Tookus is the word I use for…well, butt. I do not like butt; it seems a little coarse. I suppose I could use derriere, but that seems to pompous a word to describe a tookus. It stinks that derriere makes a nice pun, since the main causes of ‘dairy air’ are cow’s tookus’.

So I have learned a valuable lesson this week, and I hope a certain politician from NYC has too, and it can all be summed up in the Sunday School song, “Oh be careful little hands what you do, oh be careful little feet where you go…”

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